#1. I like to call this one, "My Bloody Valentine".
I'm not really sure what happened here, but something went seriously wrong. However, I think I have come up with a solution to this awful rendition of a lovely decorated heart cake. Just print out a picture of Christian Bale (preferably from his American Psycho days), cut out his face, and stick it right in the middle of your awful cake. Sure, you can't eat paper, but at least the cake makes more sense now, right?
#2. The Year You Tell Your Kids Santa Isn’t Real
Well, you could have had another great Christmas with gifts, and eggnog, and even mistletoe. But you had to go and bring these out. We get it, you use Pinterest. But that doesn't make you Martha Stewart. Now go explain to your kids why Santa doesn't have a head and why his eyes are on his decapitated torso.
#3. Little Mermaid or John Wayne Gayce?
I can actually see some effort with the flower there, but do you remember John Wayne Gayce's real life alter ego? Pogo the Clown? You know, the friendly neighborhood clown who would come and entertain at all of your childrens' birthday parties in the mid 70's?
Ah yes! That guy! Drawn by the man himself. Anyway, this cake/cookie/monstrosity is hilariously awful.
#4. No Hail Mary is Going to Save This Fail
You know, it's not even that it's a bad football cake. It's just that, when you're presented with something like the picture above it, how can you lower your standards down to that mess below it?
#5. This Is Scarier Than an Actual Hedgehog
Okay so the actual Pinterest cake itself is scary. Hedgehogs are scary to me. If you rub them the wrong way man, you're toast. So imagine some normal scrub trying to make an already scary animal into a scary cake. shivers
#6. Love is a Complicated Thing, I Suppose…
My parents used to tell me that love is a complicated thing. Or, at least my mom did. Like, on her 4th marriage. Okay fine, my mom made the bacon on the right. Geez...
#7. It Looks Like Someone Dropped A Bunch of Eggs With Half Grown Fetuses In Them
Isn't that some sort of delicacy in China or something? Haha, I'd love to see the look on some Chinese guy's face who thinks he's getting a fetus egg appetizer when really he gets a mouthful of various burnt chocolates and some strawberry. Joke's on YOU Pinterest! You just gave us all the perfect prank.
#8. Trust Me, Even Upside Down It Looks Like A Butt
Yeah so, it just looks like a butt. That's all. Butt. Butt butt butt. It looks like a butt.
#9. I Can’t Even…How Do You Mess Up This Badly?
Stained glass cookies? Easy, you thought. But what the freaking heck is this bullcrap? These look like mashed half raw blackberry tarts. Why is this picture even attached to the other picture? This can't be right.
#10. Alright Now Some of This is Some Pretty Advanced Stuff…But Still...
I mean...you had to know you couldn't do that. Look at that picture. It was taken with like, the fanciest-hipsterest DSLR on the market. Do you know what that means? It means you can't accomplish what is happening in the picture so don't even try. It's a hard lesson to learn but someone had to do it.
#11. I’ll Be The First To Admit That This Probably Still Tastes Pretty Good
It's kind of hard to mess up with caramel and apples, even when you try to do stuff with them in the oven. Sure, it looks like absolute crap, but I'm standing up for this one. Would I rather eat the Pinterest version? Yes? Would it be way less of a mess and more enjoyable? Yes. But by golly apples and caramel can never go wrong!
#12. First They’re Sour, Then They’re…Eh…..
Hmm...I was going to try to be artsy with this description but there's just no way. The bottom cake literally looks like a busted up wasp's nest with larvae crawling all over it and wasps trying to regain their home on a hot Texas Tuesday in the middle of high summer. Eh?
#13. To Infinity and…Mr. Potato Head?
Hey woah, wait a minute there. I think some kind of proton transmission nucleotide flux capacitor thing when wrong in the oven because it went in as Buzz and came out as Mr. Potato. Science is weird.
#14. I Believe This is The Opposite Result Running Achieves
Imagine the confidence of a teenage girl if you made her cookies like this. All the explaining. "But before I put them in the oven...!" and "But you don't understand, it looked just like you....!". Warning to all moms and wanna be boyfriends of teenage girls. Just don't.
#15. Easter or Friday the 13th?
No, seriously. I'm scared.
#16. You Know How You’re Supposed To Wait For Ducks Crossing? I Think This is What it Would Look Like If You Didn’t Wait.
Yeah, nailed it indeed. With your mom van you selfish mom! Maybe if you hadn't spent so much time on Pinterest, you wouldn't be late to picking your kids up from school and you wouldn't have run over those poor little duckies. These aren't a sad sad, I mean like, really sad attempt at Rubber Ducky Cupcakes, I made these to teach you a lesson! To show you what you did! Now eat them and taste the cheese and not fondant!
#17. This is Indeed, Despicable
Okay, I haven't seen this movie, but I at least know enough by seeing the character a few times on TV or in ads to know that you definitely got the number of eyes wrong. This looks like what would happen if Homer Simpson barfed up a smurf and then it started melting his face.
#18. I Suppose This is Fitting Since He Just Got Roasted
If you cleaver and put bacon on the Bieber and then bake the Bieber, does the Bieber still make sound?
#19. What? It’s Like They Didn’t Even Try
I see zero of the same ingredients used except for the basic plain cookie. Why does it have googly eyes? Why did they MAKE googly eyes? Now I'm just mad.
#20. Train. Wreck.
Is Betty Crocker even still alive? And if so...she has a freaking pinterest?! Oh wait. Betty Crocker isn't real. It's just a made up Brand name by General Mills made around the fifties. And what sounds more American than Betty Crocker? Betty Crocker is a LIE people. Don't feel bad about your horrible awful looking cake dear friend, you were trying to model yourself after a made up perfect woman.
#21. They Completely Forgot to Put the Author’s Name on the Cake!
And that's just for starters! Those are obviously men's eyes on the second cake and they completely messed up the abstract lines on the lower left hand corner of the book cover. Baking cakes is no time to get creative dudes, okay?
#22. Now You’ve Just Got A Messy Waffle Maker. Nice Going.
What is this monstrosity, guy? I know you just wanted some sweet waffle cookies but you totally blew it. This one is seriously not that hard. Try to be less stoned next time because the only thing harder to clean than a dirty waffle maker is a dirty blender that for some reason DOESN'T come apart.
#23. They Used WAY Too Much Butter In The Non-Pinterest Try. Gross.
Other than that though, the only thing I see wrong with it are the unattractive colors, shapes and general presentation. Well done!
#24. I’m Not Even Going to Explain to You What This Looks Like. Just Look.
Look at it. Poop. I said it. Are you happy? It looks like a bunch of little butts pooping. Someone make it stop....
#25. It Was So Simple! Two Layers! Just Two!
Okay so, a lot of these cakes and desserts have been somewhat "advanced" or "complicated" for the average Joe. But how hard is it to bake two cakes, put icing in between, and a little on top? If this were presented to me for any occasion, I would cry on the spot because ugly hurts me.
#26. There Is Blue. A Lot of Blue.
Maybe that's what the person liked so much about the cake in the first place so she was just like, screw it, use ALL the blue.
#27. Sweet! Jello Shots! Oh Wait…I Don’t Think You Did That Right.
Everyone likes a good jello shot right? I'm used to suckin' em down out of a tiny plastic thing but these jello shots are fancy. They even have sprinkles! All right! Go for it dude, we trust you.
Whatever, it'll get me drunk.